Punintentional Remarks

My coworker told a tragic tale today. Apparently someone had rummaged through her bag at the gym and had taken some personal items while she exercised. "He even stole my deoderant!" she lamented. I told her it looked like she had a SECRET admirer.

Later, my friends and I were planning a bridal shower, discussing the composition of the invitations. We decided on a colorful picture of a resplendent table with an opaque sheet overlay containing the shower information, secured by ribbon-laced holes at the top. One friend offered some vellum, if I would like. I responded, "While I am from the South, I am not anti-vellum."

Cutting a banana nut cake, the knife encountered a pecan half which refused to quietly go into that dark night and merely smushed cake all the way down. "What an obstinut!" I exclaimed.